Most of the time, when you fall in love, you think it will last forever. The truth is that relationships break down frequently and things don’t always work out as planned.
One husband thought it would be easier to break up with his wife if he simply sent her a letter outlining his reasons for wanting to part ways. He never imagined, though, that his choice would come back to haunt him because his astute wife’s retort taught him a valuable lesson. This is really very clever and quite funny!
Greetings, Wife
I’m telling you in this letter that I’m going to be permanently parted from you. In our seven years of marriage, I’ve been a nice husband to you, but I have nothing to show for it.
For me, the past two weeks have not been easy. I was informed by your manager that you resigned today because it was simply too much for you to handle.
When you came home last week, you didn’t even realize I’d changed my hair, made your favorite dinner, and was wearing a brand-new pair of silk boxers.
You watched all of your soap operas, ate in just two minutes, and immediately fell asleep. You no longer tell me that you love me and that you want no intercourse or anything that would bind us together as husband and wife.
I’m leaving because it’s finished, whether you love me or not. You may be cheating on me.
Your former spouse
P.S. Please don’t look for me. Together, your sister and I are moving to West Virginia! Enjoy a wonderful life!
To My Former Spouse,
I promise that receiving your letter has brightened my day more than anything else. It’s true that I’ve been married to you for the past seven years, but a nice man is nothing like the one you’ve been.
I watch so much TV because, even though it doesn’t seem to work, it drowns out your incessant complaining and whining.
Although I did notice your haircut last week, my first thought was, “You look just like a girl!” I also chose not to comment because, as my mother taught me, you shouldn’t say anything if you can’t say something kind.
And because I gave up pork seven long years ago, you must have confused me with MY SISTER when you prepared my favorite dinner.
Regarding those new silk boxers: I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning and turned away from you since the $49.99 price tag was still on them.
I still thought we could sort this out and I still loved you despite everything. Thus, after winning $10 million in the lottery, I resigned my work and purchased two tickets for us to travel to Jamaica. However, you had left when I arrived home.
I suppose there’s a reason why everything happens. I hope you lead the contented life you’ve always desired. The letter you wrote guarantees you will not receive a cent from me, according to my attorney. Thus, be careful.
Your Ex-Wife, Signed, Rich & Free as Hell!
P.S. I’m not sure if I ever mentioned this to you, but my sister Carla was given the name Carl. I hope that won’t be an issue.
If you thought this tale was humorous, please tell your friends and family.
